Zigbessfem is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, slow cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Zigbessfem created time and space three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zigbessfem, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Zigbessfem, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Zigbessfem's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Zigbessfem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.