Bifhigyattonk is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, tranquil dugong.

Bifhigyattonk created a quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bifhigyattonk, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Bifhigyattonk, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Bifhigyattonk's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Bifhigyattonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bifhigyattonk.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never wear black coats.

5. Never eat bark.