Flatvanqueeg is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, quiet jellyfish.

Flatvanqueeg created snails eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flatvanqueeg, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Flatvanqueeg, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Flatvanqueeg's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Flatvanqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no sheep in a room before entering it.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not take Flatvanqueeg's name in vain.

5. Always pray immersed in water.