Gonfaspang is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, pitiless chinchilla.

Gonfaspang created vertebrates three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gonfaspang, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gonfaspang, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Gonfaspang's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Gonfaspang's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Gonfaspang eight times a day.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Gonfaspang must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never hurt rats.