Xucfumrut Shavfonced is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, narcissistic crow.

Xucfumrut Shavfonced created Europe eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xucfumrut Shavfonced, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Xucfumrut Shavfonced, he will not invite you to parties.

Xucfumrut Shavfonced's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Xucfumrut Shavfonced's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Xucfumrut Shavfonced must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Xucfumrut Shavfonced loves rats, so they must be honoured.

4. Always look after injured seals.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force.