Kamflanhig is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, merciless slug.

Kamflanhig created matter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kamflanhig, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Kamflanhig, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Kamflanhig's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Kamflanhig's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no turtles in a room before entering it.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Do not kill nematodes.

5. Kamflanhig loves cats, so they must be honoured.