Mabvontonk is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, ruthless gerbil.

Mabvontonk created a charm quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mabvontonk, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Mabvontonk, she will throw large rocks at you.

Mabvontonk's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Mabvontonk's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if seven aardvarks approach from the south.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never feed figs to eagles while wearing mauve scarves.