Jatxucrow is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, unthinking swan.

Jatxucrow created matter seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Jatxucrow, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Jatxucrow, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Jatxucrow's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Jatxucrow's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat onions.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Worship no other gods but Jatxucrow.

4. Never write about planets.

5. Always look after injured geese.