Flowzogjarn is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, all-powerful squirrel.

Flowzogjarn created snails three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flowzogjarn, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Flowzogjarn, he will turn you into a goat.

Flowzogjarn's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Flowzogjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not take Flowzogjarn's name in vain.

3. Never go into purple rooms.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never wear violet shoes.