Gepquamvedham is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, caring lobster.

Gepquamvedham created the solar system four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gepquamvedham, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Gepquamvedham, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Gepquamvedham's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Gepquamvedham's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce near seals.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not eat bananas.

4. Do not dye your hair violet.

5. Worship no other gods but Gepquamvedham.