Kemdissquat is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, unjust newt.

Kemdissquat created the solar system eight million years ago.

If you believe in Kemdissquat, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Kemdissquat, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Kemdissquat's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Kemdissquat's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never paint your chest gray.

3. Never laugh in the presence of sheep.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Kemdissquat.

5. Pray towards the north.