Lakhenlist is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, emotional octopus.

Lakhenlist created time and space seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lakhenlist, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lakhenlist, she will turn you into a sheep.

Lakhenlist's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Lakhenlist's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear blue.

2. Do not shave your neck.

3. Always look after injured ants.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a room before entering it.