Flathamfig is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, quiet giraffe.

Flathamfig created matter two years ago.

If you believe in Flathamfig, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Flathamfig, it will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Flathamfig's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Flathamfig's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not dye your hair black.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

5. Do not hurt nematodes.