Hogjopfit is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, vain lizard.

Hogjopfit created the planet Mars six million years ago.

If you believe in Hogjopfit, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Hogjopfit, it will turn you into a tree.

Hogjopfit's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Hogjopfit's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about monkeys.

2. Do not wear tin on your body.

3. Never wear stockings.

4. Feed all hungry great tits.

5. Always treat seals with great respect.