Tonduddim Fenbastben is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, conceited cow.

Tonduddim Fenbastben created bats four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonduddim Fenbastben, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tonduddim Fenbastben, he will be very sad.

Tonduddim Fenbastben's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Tonduddim Fenbastben's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your head.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

4. Capybaras are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never look in ponds.