Flowpadzaggem is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, all-knowing grasshopper.

Flowpadzaggem created silver eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flowpadzaggem, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Flowpadzaggem, she will turn you into a worm.

Flowpadzaggem's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Flowpadzaggem's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Flowpadzaggem.

2. Monkeys are not to be trusted.

3. Never laugh near rats.

4. Worship no other gods but Flowpadzaggem.

5. Always make sure there are no moths in a room before entering it.