Femkipcap is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, passionate crab.

Femkipcap created dark matter nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Femkipcap, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Femkipcap, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Femkipcap's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Femkipcap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not speak about spinach.

5. Never run in the presence of turtles.