Tarpvilquimsaf is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, slow raccoon.

Tarpvilquimsaf created the Small Magellanic Cloud three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarpvilquimsaf, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Tarpvilquimsaf, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Tarpvilquimsaf's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Tarpvilquimsaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat tomatoes.

2. Worship no other gods but Tarpvilquimsaf.

3. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Do not wear silver on your body.

5. Never skip in holy places.