Yembarnzinmif is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, witless cow.

Yembarnzinmif created a charm quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yembarnzinmif, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Yembarnzinmif, she will make you grow a tail.

Yembarnzinmif's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Yembarnzinmif's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no pigs in a room before entering it.

2. Yembarnzinmif loves snakes, so they must be honoured.

3. Put Yembarnzinmif first in all things.

4. Hide from orange moths for they are unholy.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Yembarnzinmif.