Nillbastcim is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, narcissistic meerkat.

Nillbastcim created energy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Nillbastcim, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Nillbastcim, he will turn you into a plant.

Nillbastcim's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Nillbastcim's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never run in holy places.

4. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Always wear black.