Hatmondab is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, all-knowing seal.

Hatmondab created matter three billion years ago.

If you believe in Hatmondab, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hatmondab, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Hatmondab's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Hatmondab's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Hatmondab.

2. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hatmondab.