Hiv is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, impressive donkey.

Hiv created Asia four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hiv, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Hiv, he will turn you into a goat.

Hiv's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Hiv's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if four badgers approach from the south.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate birds.

5. Never eat bark.