Yarpstanmap is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, pitiless chinchilla.

Yarpstanmap created dark matter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yarpstanmap, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Yarpstanmap, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Yarpstanmap's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Yarpstanmap's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat sheep with great respect.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Yarpstanmap.

5. Do not cook food in pots.