Gatgemvilwap is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, humorless donkey.

Gatgemvilwap created life nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Gatgemvilwap, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gatgemvilwap, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Gatgemvilwap's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Gatgemvilwap's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your legs green.

2. Never write about amino acids.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Run away from black grasshopers, for they are unholy.

5. Do not wear aluminium on your body.