Fonyokjam is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, idiotic whale.

Fonyokjam created the world eight million years ago.

If you believe in Fonyokjam, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Fonyokjam, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Fonyokjam's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Fonyokjam's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never feed lemons to swans while wearing magenta rings.