Tailwikpig is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, selfish monkey.

Tailwikpig created an atom six million years ago.

If you believe in Tailwikpig, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tailwikpig, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Tailwikpig's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Tailwikpig's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a room before entering it.

2. Do not take Tailwikpig's name in vain.

3. Retreat if six otters approach from the north.

4. Never go into gray rooms.

5. Do not hurt hamsters.