Bedtarp is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, narcissistic manatee.

Bedtarp created time and space seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Bedtarp, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Bedtarp, he will be very unhappy.

Bedtarp's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Bedtarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Retreat if five grasshopers approach from the west.

3. Always make sure there are no capybaras in a building before entering it.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never talk about asteroids.