Fonkimkik is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, merciless hyena.

Fonkimkik created Africa two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonkimkik, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Fonkimkik, she will send you a sign.

Fonkimkik's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Fonkimkik's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about stars.

2. Never paint your head blue.

3. Run away if seven otters approach from the north.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

5. Never talk about galaxies.