Hassandboss is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, emotional mongoose.

Hassandboss created the Sun seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Hassandboss, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Hassandboss, she will throw large rocks at you.

Hassandboss' most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Hassandboss' Holy Commandments

1. Hassandboss loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Always obey Hassandboss' priests.

5. Do not hurt shrews.