Tonkwapgat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, dishonest chinchilla.

Tonkwapgat created Europe four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkwapgat, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tonkwapgat, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Tonkwapgat's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Tonkwapgat's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your hands brown.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Feed all hungry horses.

5. Ducks are not to be trusted.