Xemsawbum is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, tranquil mole.

Xemsawbum created matter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xemsawbum, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Xemsawbum, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Xemsawbum's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Xemsawbum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never talk about doves.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.

5. Sheep are not to be trusted.