Veenstipfeb Bitquagbin is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, generous snake.

Veenstipfeb Bitquagbin created water two million years ago.

If you believe in Veenstipfeb Bitquagbin, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Veenstipfeb Bitquagbin, she will laugh at you.

Veenstipfeb Bitquagbin's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Veenstipfeb Bitquagbin's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity.

2. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

3. Never bounce in the presence of sheep.

4. Do not dye your hair brown.

5. Always make sure there are no bats in a building before entering it.