Buttanzed is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, merciless fly.

Buttanzed created the Whirlpool Galaxy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Buttanzed, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Buttanzed, he will turn you into a goat.

Buttanzed's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Buttanzed's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Buttanzed seven times a day.

2. Do not trade with those who eat peanuts.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Buttanzed.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.