Volgodzak Parkflagpad is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, conceited snail.

Volgodzak Parkflagpad created life four years ago.

If you believe in Volgodzak Parkflagpad, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Volgodzak Parkflagpad, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Volgodzak Parkflagpad's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Volgodzak Parkflagpad's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from turquoise snails for they are unholy.

2. Put Volgodzak Parkflagpad first in all things.

3. Do not sit in public.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Erect eight lead sculptures of Volgodzak Parkflagpad on top of important buildings.