Tettifabjam Bissdobkar is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, annoying squid.

Tettifabjam Bissdobkar created the Sun eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tettifabjam Bissdobkar, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Tettifabjam Bissdobkar, she will refuse to believe in you.

Tettifabjam Bissdobkar's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Tettifabjam Bissdobkar's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat great tits with great respect.

2. Never look at stars.

3. Tettifabjam Bissdobkar loves snails, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not jump in public.