Motgepwik is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, all-knowing squirrel.

Motgepwik created a bottom quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Motgepwik, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Motgepwik, it will turn you into a tree.

Motgepwik's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Motgepwik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

2. Worship no other gods but Motgepwik.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate ants.

5. You must pray to Motgepwik eight times a day.