Hinbarndod Hogtabfom Flabvogflam is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, benevolent octopus.

Hinbarndod Hogtabfom Flabvogflam created carbon nine million years ago.

If you believe in Hinbarndod Hogtabfom Flabvogflam, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Hinbarndod Hogtabfom Flabvogflam, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Hinbarndod Hogtabfom Flabvogflam's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Hinbarndod Hogtabfom Flabvogflam's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.