Jatnarvonk is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, generous faun.

Jatnarvonk created the planet Jupiter six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jatnarvonk, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Jatnarvonk, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Jatnarvonk's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Jatnarvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Hide if four foxes approach from the south.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate snails.

4. You must love Jatnarvonk.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.