Quattalcun is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, unfair whale.

Quattalcun created the Sombrero Galaxy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quattalcun, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quattalcun, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Quattalcun's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Quattalcun's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Great tits are not to be trusted.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Pray towards the north.