Kangumtan is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, prudent snake.

Kangumtan created water eight million years ago.

If you believe in Kangumtan, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Kangumtan, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Kangumtan's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Kangumtan's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. You must love Kangumtan.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not take Kangumtan's name in vain.

5. Pray towards the south.