Jarnmetrilwap is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, able cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Jarnmetrilwap created the Andromeda Galaxy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jarnmetrilwap, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Jarnmetrilwap, she will come to you in dreams.

Jarnmetrilwap's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Jarnmetrilwap's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Jarnmetrilwap.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not hurt squirrels.

4. Never wear purple boots.

5. Never talk about black holes.