Watquagbem is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, witty goat.

Watquagbem created life four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Watquagbem, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Watquagbem, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Watquagbem's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Watquagbem's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat tortoises with great respect.

2. Do not dye your hair fawn.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Do not wear violet clothing.

5. Never pour water over plants.