Latbepzim is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, humorless lobster.

Latbepzim created gold eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Latbepzim, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Latbepzim, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Latbepzim's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Latbepzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Latbepzim loves geese, so they must be respected.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Do not covet oxen.