Arpwadyar is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, narcissistic ferret.

Arpwadyar created Africa eight million years ago.

If you believe in Arpwadyar, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Arpwadyar, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Arpwadyar's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Arpwadyar's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three eagles approach from the west.

2. Never wear brown corsets.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. You must pray to Arpwadyar seven times a day.

5. Do not trade with those who eat grapes.