Yakyattdud is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, astonishing lizard.

Yakyattdud created the planet Saturn eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yakyattdud, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Yakyattdud, she will refuse to believe in you.

Yakyattdud's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Yakyattdud's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a room before entering it.

3. Hide if five doves approach from the north.

4. Never hurt dolphins.

5. Do not wear titanium on your body.