Tabpidnut is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, irritating alligator.

Tabpidnut created the universe six million years ago.

If you believe in Tabpidnut, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tabpidnut, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Tabpidnut's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Tabpidnut's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Tabpidnut eight times a day.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

3. Hide from pink grasshopers for they are unholy.

4. Always treat voles with great respect.

5. Do not drink alcohol.