Ingtignell is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, loving aardvark.

Ingtignell created an up quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ingtignell, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Ingtignell, she will turn you into a snail.

Ingtignell's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Ingtignell's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never wear purple shorts.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.