Lapgupgun is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, unsympathetic dugong.

Lapgupgun created the cosmos nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapgupgun, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Lapgupgun, it will come to you in dreams.

Lapgupgun's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Lapgupgun's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat strawberries.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Always pray immersed in water.