Lapbafcut is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, dishonest bee.

Lapbafcut created a photon three million years ago.

If you believe in Lapbafcut, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Lapbafcut, it will cry a lot.

Lapbafcut's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Lapbafcut's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into blue rooms.

2. Never write about moons.

3. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Always help sick manatees.