Tofcimlarp is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, selfish slug.

Tofcimlarp created time and space three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tofcimlarp, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tofcimlarp, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Tofcimlarp's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Tofcimlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Erect seven lead sculptures of Tofcimlarp on top of important buildings.

2. Feed all hungry ants.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

5. Never think about comets.